Pitfalls

What are some pitfalls that we face as single women that distract us from serving God?

1. Idolizing marriage and focusing on snagging a husband rather than serving the Lord.
"If your focus is on getting married, if that is your ultimate goal and priority and it doesn't happen, then it is very hard to avoid bitterness and unhappiness and despair even. But if your focus is on glorifying God and building up His church and seeing the gospel advanced-and those are big phrases, and they are big concepts, and they're hard to break down. But on a day to day basis, the Lord brings people across your path who need to be encouraged and served and loved. When your focus is there, then the desire for being married is diminished just a little bit because you're finding fulfillment in God's purpose and these other relationships.

So by seeking to give your life away to glorify God and benefit others, it does make it easier to live with a hope deferred. I'm not saying that you'll ever get to that point of saying, "I don't want to be married."



2. Looking at men in the wrong way. (i.e. always as a potential husband rather than a brother in Christ.)

"Never picture yourself under any circumstances under which you are not." (aka DATING IN YOUR MIND!!! - We've all done it!)

Philippians 4:8 "Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virture and if there be any praise, think on these things."


3. Focusing so much on finding a potential husband that we fail to form other valuable relationships and reach out to our fellow Christians.

The Virtuous Woman- All the Days of Her Life

1 Peter 3:3-4
"Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel: But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."

Proverbs 31:10
"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."

As we see from the passages above, God has a very high calling for women to walk in a godly and virtuous way. It is also clear from these readings that it is difficult to find this kind of woman. These are habits that will take a lifetime to perfect, so let's be diligent to begin now on the journey to become the kind of woman who is of great price in the sight of God!

One thing that we've discussed in some of our previous blogs, as well as in our study at the camp meeting, is how it is mentioned in Proverbs 31 that this woman will do her husband good "all the days of her life." This just emphasizes the point that a true virtuous woman is a woman who strives to serve God and please Him all throughout her life. We shouldn't wait to think of becoming a virtuous woman until we become a wife, we should strive for a life of virtue right away! Solomon shares with us in this chapter that these are things he was taught by his mother. So this is the description of womanhood that she wished to imprint on his young mind as he searched for a wife to help him. Doesn't it make sense then, that in order to find the right kind of Christian man, we should first BE the kind of virtuous woman that would attract his attention? Don't wait to be the kind of woman you should be until you have a man to please; be a virtuous woman NOW for the glory of God. He knows what we need and He will ensure that everything else will fall into place as it should!

Matthew 6:33
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteouness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

The Gift of Singleness

Okay, we have already taken a look at some of the negative attitudes that we can have towards being single and we recognize that we should adjust our attitudes and use this time of singleness to glorify God. One way to start down that path is to accept that being single is a gift and believe it or not, there are actually some ADVANTAGES to being single! Let's start by looking at 1 Corinthians 7:34-35:

"There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; that that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction."

You see, we are actually very blessed to have this period in life in which we aren't tied down in so many ways. We aren't torn in several directions by our obligations to our husbands, our kids, etc, etc. When we are young and single adults, for a brief time we live only for God. Talk about an opportunity to maximize your service!

Psalm 62:5
"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him."

When we have time alone, we learn that God is the one who is always there and truly the one rock in our life that we can always depend on. We are never promised tomorrow and the people we love could be gone at any moment, but God is forever. When you are single, you have the freedom and time to spend alone with God and grow closer to him through prayer and study. I would encourage all of you young ladies out there to think of this time of singleness as a wonderful chance to grow in your closeness to God and to focus on Him instead of on pleasing men. Yes, there will be times of loneliness and yes, your heart will still long for that close relationship with a man. But it will be worth it to have the best kind of love there is; the love between our Creator and us. Cherish the time that you have rather than focusing on the things that you do not have! When we do this, we will open our lives up to joy and fruitfulness for God.

Isaiah 12:2-3
"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation. Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation."

2 Peter 1:5-9
"And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; and to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

There is plenty of work out there for us to do, whatever stage of life we are in, and if we apply ourselves to serving God, then we will find that our life is one of abundance and grace.

Managing Our Emotions, Part 3 - Harboring Bitterness and Anger

We've all been burned before. You know what it's like...that feeling that starts in your stomach and slowly works its way to your beet-red face. That feeling that if you don't say or do something about it, your head will DEFINITELY explode from all the steam build-up. Maybe it was your best friend that wronged you. Maybe it was a "significant other". Or maybe you felt like your mom or dad were unfair about an issue. This is one area of our emotions that is very hard to control, but one that can be prevented very early...and yes, it's very possible!

Self-Centered Statement:

"I'm so mad at this person. I'll never be able to forgive him/her."

This person wronged me! They didn't even consider my feelings! They've gone too far...the damage can never be undone! I have a right to defend myself to others so they know what really happened! I just can't forgive them! ...Right? Let's shine some truth on these out-of-control angry statements...

"Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise." - Luke 6:28, 31

"Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil." - Eph. 4:26-27

"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." - Eph. 4:32

"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." - Matt. 6:14-15

Get the picture yet? Forgiveness is the key. I know it's hard...TRUST me, I KNOW IT'S HARD! Ask yourself this question: "Who am I to decide who receives forgiveness for their wrongs? Did Jesus not die for EVERYONE...even this person who hurt me?" It's absolutely necessary that you forgive whoever wronged you...not only for them, but for yourself.

God-Centered Statement:

"I need to live like Christ and forgive others...just like Christ forgave me."

Now let's shine some more light on another out-of-control statement...

Self-Centered Statement:

"I deserve to be angry. I have a right to express my feelings!"

It's a fact of life that you will experience anger. It's what you DO with that anger that really defines what kind of person you are...or more importantly, what kind of Christian you are. Let's look at the wisdom of Solomon:

"He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction." - Prov. 13:3

When you are in a situation where you find yourself getting angry, it's best not to say anything! Anything that you say while you're angry will come directly from that emotion and will destroy and cut down the person for whom it was intended. Yeah, if you're angry you may be thinking, "Well, isn't that the whole point?!?!" You need to cool down and remember that "a soft answer turneth away wrath: but grevious words stir up anger" (Prov. 15:1). Your words have the power to make or break a situation, as well as make or break a relationship. Look at these other verses...

"...the words of the pure are pleasant words." - Prov. 15:26

"The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things." - Prov. 15:28

"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city." - Prov. 16:32

We cannot be the image of Christ if we are backbiting, yelling, and arguing. Christ never "expressed his feelings" or harbored any kind of resentment, bitterness, or anger towards those that put Him on the cross. And if anyone had a "right" to stand up for himself, it was definitely Him! We need to follow His example and portray His character in our lives at all times, no matter the circumstance.

God-Centered Statement:

"I need to control my anger and my words at all times. Christ payed far too great of a price for me to harbor any bitterness or anger towards anyone."

Let Christ heal the hurt and choose the way of forgiveness. Your emotions will not change right away, but over time (with prayer and study of the Word) God will heal your heart and free you from this bondage!

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." - Gal. 6:22-23, 25

In Christian Love,

True Beauty, Part 3 - hidden beauty of the heart.

As stated before, the beauty we should be creating in ourselves is Godly beauty.. the TRUE beauty. We see an example of God's definition of beauty here:

..whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the HIDDEN MAN OF THE HEART, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
{1 Peter 3: 3-4}

Our time should be spent pursuing this beauty of the hidden man ..or woman in our case ..of the heart. True beauty is shown through the love of God (not of ourselves) and we can serve Him! This should be the beauty that we choose to cultivate in our hearts. Our inner beauty will never fade.. it will live on through the lives of those we have touched. It remains in us as we get older and our physical appearance fades. One of my favorite examples of a women with Godly beauty is the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. If you ever have time, you should definitely read about this beauty! It starts in verse 10 and continues to the end of the chapter. Some characteristics of a woman of great inward beauty:

Verse 11.. trustworthy
Verse 12.. supportive
Verse 13-14.. hard working
Verse 15.. caring
Verse 16-19.. wise
Verse 20.. compassionate
Verse 21.. prepared
Verse 22.. attractive
Verse 23-24.. causes good reputation
Verse 25.. optimistic
Verse 26.. speaks pleasant words
Verse 30-31..dedicated

Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised! {Proverbs 31:30}

True Beauty, Part 2 - being content with your looks.

All this hype throughout the media is pretty much a love of self.. these “perfect” and “beautiful” women are very much into themselves. Some might pour everything they have into their outward appearance. We can become so obsessed with how we look that we forget what is truly important. Beauty can become a form of idolatry if we let it. That is, if we focus more on our appearance than things above. Look at Colossians 3:1-2 and Romans 12:2...

If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God.

Our time should be spent on developing a closer relationship with our Father and doing HIS will! Don't go along with the rest of the world in the craze of happiness based on outward beauty. Clothes, shoes, jewelry, make-up, are all things of the earth. Our thoughts should not be consumed with which outfit to wear to the mall, which make-up blends the best, or how much weight we need to loose. Of course, I'm not saying it's evil to think about your appearance or to wear make-up, and I'm not telling you to dress like a slob.. but just be cautious to not let it consume your thoughts! I'm always happy to find a cute pair of jeans or some adorable shoes! (I'm especially happy when they're on sale)

True Beauty, Part 1 - you ARE beautiful!!

There is something seriously wrong with our culture today.. the mindset of the world is completely opposite of what it should be. I am constantly reminded that my hair color is not perfect, my tummy is too fat, my arms are too flabby, blah blah blah. I'm fairly sure that you see those constant reminders, too. Whether it be the billboards you see while driving around, the magazines that you buy, what you see on TV, the movies that you watch, or what you come across on the internet. There is so much pressure on us girls/ladies/young women (whatever you call yourself) to look perfect & radiant & beautiful on the outside just to be accepted, this is even goes on with our peers & our friends.. not just the world! But, the truth is, you are already a beautiful child of God (no matter what the world and your friends have to say about you)! Check this out..

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvellous are they works; and THAT my soul knoweth right well. {Psalm 139:14}

We are WONDERFULLY made! We should be praising God for his creation and thanking him for blessing us.. not wishing we looked differently or feeling sorry for ourselves because we don't look like our friends!! We need to be pleased with how GOD wanted us to look! If He wanted us to look differently... we would look differently. It's that simple. God is the ultimate artist.. he is our maker and designed us exactly how he wanted! If we have flaws.. its His mark on us. That makes us unique! (you know.. we're a peculiar people anyway!)

Another reminder.. The King greatly desires your beauty! {Psalm 45:11}

How Can I Be Content In a Situation That I Didn't Choose?? (Part 3)

I can focus on the work that God has called me to do and busy myself in becoming a virtuous woman today, married or not. One thing that several of us young women discussed in a study at the camp meeting this year was the verse in Proverbs 31 that states, "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her...she will do him good and not evil ALL the days of her life." Several of us had read the book "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy, in which they point out the word "ALL" in that verse. A truly virtuous woman doesn't wait to be virtuous until after she's married...she does good ALL of her life. She doesn't live in such a way that someday her husband will be ashamed to hear of her "wild teenage years". Even more important to us is that we live such a life that Jesus will not be ashamed of. When we use our gifts the way God wants, His name is glorified through this.

1 Peter 4:10,11
"As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen."

Another good verse that comes to mind is Colossians 3:17:
"And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him."

There is plenty of work out there to be done that will keep us busy. If we focus on doing this work for the Lord and glorifying Him by our life, this will cause us to think less and less about the things in our lives we are dissatisfied with. We won't have time to worry about chasing boys or feeling sorry for ourselves because we're lonely. We will be too busy thinking of more important things!

Managing Our Emotions, Part 2 - Wallowing In Self-pity

No matter what age you are as a single young woman, there's always the pressure that you NEED to have a guy. It's everywhere. No matter if you're still in school or out in the workplace, it's like there's a big SINGLE sign written all over you if you're not known to be "with" a guy. I've felt this way...have you?

I really think this is a huge issue with some of our young girls in the church, so we're just going to dive right in and face self-pity head-on. The emotion of self-pity stems from feeling sorry for yourself and the state that you may be in at a certain time in your life...like being single, for instance. Let's go ahead and look at some of the self-centered statements that we sometimes make when feeling this self-pity in our lives and counteract them with God-centered ones!

Self-Centered Statement:

"I'm ugly and worthless. I hate the way I look."

Okay, first of all, there's always going to be something that we don't like about our appearance. Ever since we were little girls, the world has tried to instill in us a desire to be "skinny", to have the most beautiful hair, to have the perfect, pimple-free face, to wear the most stylish clothes, and the list could go on forever. Society has taught us to NEVER be satisfied with our natural appearance. Let's counteract this statement with the words of David.

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfull made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." - Ps. 139:14

Believe it or not, but God created you and me a MASTERPIECE! David also states in the verse right after this one that he was "curiously wrought." This phrase means (according to Strong's Concordance) embroidered or made with needlework, which tells us that God, with great skill and precision, made us just the way He wanted us to be.

"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised." - Prov. 31:30

God-Centered Statement:
"I am God's creation and I am beautiful in His sight."

Okay, next one...

Self-Centered Statement:

"I feel like life is passing me by. When is it my turn to find the right guy to be with?"

This one's a biggy. A lot of young women just kind of "sit on their hands" when it comes to this. They think that life begins when they find the "love of their life". Beloved sisters in Christ, believe me when I tell you that you are setting yourself up for regrets. You will look back on this time of singleness when you are older (whether or not you are married) and say, "Wow, I wish I would have done more for Christ." Stop obsessing over guys!!! Let the man in your life, Jesus Christ, heal those feelings of loneliness and discontent with His Word and by prayer.

"...The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit..." - 1 Cor. 7:34

This is a special time in your life! Go out and do things for God for His glory. Trust me, those feelings of self-pity will go right out the window when you're not focusing on yourself!

God-Centered Statement:

"I need to live life for today and in light of eternity by doing work for Christ."

In Christian Love,

How Can I Be Content In a Situation That I Didn't Choose?? (Part 2)

I can trust that God's way is perfect, even if it's not the way I would have chosen for myself.

Let's take a quick look at the example of Mary, a woman "highly favoured" with the Lord. Now can you imagine being a young woman of this time, engaged to be married soon, and to learn the news that you are pregnant? Not only this, but the child is the Son of God! You have been given this huge responsibility (that you didn't even ask for), along with the ridicule and gossip that you would have to face as a woman pregnant out of wedlock. How would you respond to this message from the angel?

Luke 1:38
"And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word."

Everytime I read that verse, it sends chills down my arms! Even in circumstances that would look highly troublesome and undesirable to the worldly eye and that would turn her world completely upside down from any plans she had made on her own, Mary was wise enough to see that God's way was good even if she did not understand the whole picture right away. We, too, are the handmaids of the Lord. We should share in that attitude of submission to His will!

Isaiah 55:8-11
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain cometh down, and the snow falleth from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: so shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it."

I am awed and amazed at the way God can see the big picture of the past, present and future and He is putting it all together with His perfect wisdom and understanding. Sometimes it feels like things are going all wrong, but when I read these words in Isaiah, it is a sweet reminder that God is so much smarter than me and even though I don't understand what is going on, He does. What a relief...

How Can I Be Content In a Situation that I Didn't Choose?? (Part 1)

Rather than looking at singleness as a curse to be ashamed of, I can accept it as a wonderful gift from our all-knowing God!

1 Corinthians 7:7-8
"For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one afer this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I."

The word gift here is the Greek word, "charisma", and is defined in Strong's concordance as "a (divine) gratuity, that is, deliverance (from danger or passion); (specifically) a (spiritual) endowment, that is (subjectively) religious qualification, or (objectively) miraculous faculty." Interestingly, it is the SAME Greek word used in other familiar verses concerning gifts of the Spirit given to us by God (i.e. 1 Tim 4:14 & 1 Peter 4:10). In these passages, we are instructed to "neglect not the gift that is in thee" and to "minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God".

We are taught throughout the New Testament that we all have separate gifts with which to glorify God and build up the church. Our marital status is in itself a gift, differing by what God's will for us is. If we are married, that is our gift, and if we are single, that is also our gift. Either way, we are not to neglect the gift given to us, but to use it to further the cause of Christ. Remember the parable of the talents in Matthew 25? God gives each of us our gifts for a reason, and he expects us to use them!

Single and Content: Introduction

So often in life as a single woman, I find myself looking in the mirror and wondering, "Where did I go wrong?". As little girls, marriage and motherhood is so deeply ingrained into our visions of adulthood that we often fail to imagine any adulthood at all without these things. Then, when we reach the age of physical maturity and have still not acheived these expected rites of passage, we begin to feel doubt and worry. Doubt that we are "good enough" to deserve a husband; worry that we are unloveable or ugly.

In turning to the Word of God, we can quickly see that doubt and worry have no place in our lives as a Christian woman. In Philippians 4:11-13, Paul encourages the Philippians:

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST which strengtheneth me."

Content: (Strong's Concordance # 842) "autarkes" = "self-complacent; content".
(Vine's Expository Dictionary) = "sufficient in oneself, self-sufficient, adequate, needing no assistance; hence, content"

If we take a look at the context here, we can note that Paul is referring to a situation where he was in need of assistance in the work he was doing and had not always received the help that perhaps he should have. Nevertheless, he was CONTENT in whatever state God had placed him in. We know from reading in other scriptures that some of those "states" included prison, shipwreck, stoning and false accusations from fellow Christians. And to think that I find myself complaining because I don't have a husband and this makes me feel insecure!! Paul had learned the true definition of contentment, as we see above, which is being "self-complacent" and "needing no assistance". He placed his trust in God and didn't need the affirmation of others in order to be fulfilled.

Notice how Paul says "I have LEARNED...to be content". Contentment is not something that comes easily to any of us. We all have our natural tendencies to want more, to feel like the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. But by looking at God to guide our emotions and motives, we can LEARN to be content in whatever life situation He chooses to place us in. Through this study series, we will be looking at ways to find contentment in life circumstances (even when they aren't the ones we would've chosen for ourselves), as well as reminding ourselves of the benefits found in living a life of contentment. I truly believe that it is possible to be both single and content. We don't need to wait on Prince Charming to come along and make all of our dreams come true; we already have access to the King of Kings, and he is the only one who can truly bring contentment to our hearts!!

Managing Our Emotions, Part 1 - Introduction

Have you ever had to go through a time in your life when you felt like your emotions controlled you? Or are you there today?

Emotions are a very natural part of everyday life. If used in the right way - a Christian way - they can be huge blessings from God. The problem is that we sometimes use our emotions as an excuse for sinful behavior. By acting out these self-centered emotions, they ultimately start to mold us into self-centered Christians.

There are three main areas that I believe we as young single women constantly struggle with:

1. Wallowing in self-pity


2. Harboring bitterness and anger


3. Cultivating inappropriate romantic feelings and desires

One of the ways that we will combat these destructive emotions is by looking at examples of some statements that your average, everyday young woman might express when feeling overwhelmed by these areas. We will then learn to combat these statements with "solution statements" and accompany them with Bible verses.

I'm so excited about this study! Hopefully it will help you in your life as much as it has helped me. But in the meantime...

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsover things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." -Phil. 4:8

In Christian Love,

Welcome!

Hey guys! We're so excited to have you be a part of our blog. Our goal is to help and encourage all of our young, single sisters in Christ in their Christian walk by posting our own personal studies and experiences.

This blog was inspired by a study that a few of us had at the 2010 Summer Camp Meeting in Grapevine, TX, hosted by the Jarvis Heights church of Christ. The study consisted of learning how to be a young Christian woman in today's society and the pressures that it puts on all of us. We looked to the Word for advice on how to face these pressures head-on and to look to Christ as the One to fill the deepest places in our hearts.

These studies will eventually be posted by the four of us who led these studies, as well as future studies that we will post often. We are all very excited about the journey we are about to embark with all of you! Let us all strive to be a virtuous woman whose "price is far above rubies" (Prov. 31:10).