Pitfalls

What are some pitfalls that we face as single women that distract us from serving God?

1. Idolizing marriage and focusing on snagging a husband rather than serving the Lord.
"If your focus is on getting married, if that is your ultimate goal and priority and it doesn't happen, then it is very hard to avoid bitterness and unhappiness and despair even. But if your focus is on glorifying God and building up His church and seeing the gospel advanced-and those are big phrases, and they are big concepts, and they're hard to break down. But on a day to day basis, the Lord brings people across your path who need to be encouraged and served and loved. When your focus is there, then the desire for being married is diminished just a little bit because you're finding fulfillment in God's purpose and these other relationships.

So by seeking to give your life away to glorify God and benefit others, it does make it easier to live with a hope deferred. I'm not saying that you'll ever get to that point of saying, "I don't want to be married."



2. Looking at men in the wrong way. (i.e. always as a potential husband rather than a brother in Christ.)

"Never picture yourself under any circumstances under which you are not." (aka DATING IN YOUR MIND!!! - We've all done it!)

Philippians 4:8 "Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virture and if there be any praise, think on these things."


3. Focusing so much on finding a potential husband that we fail to form other valuable relationships and reach out to our fellow Christians.

The Virtuous Woman- All the Days of Her Life

1 Peter 3:3-4
"Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel: But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."

Proverbs 31:10
"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies."

As we see from the passages above, God has a very high calling for women to walk in a godly and virtuous way. It is also clear from these readings that it is difficult to find this kind of woman. These are habits that will take a lifetime to perfect, so let's be diligent to begin now on the journey to become the kind of woman who is of great price in the sight of God!

One thing that we've discussed in some of our previous blogs, as well as in our study at the camp meeting, is how it is mentioned in Proverbs 31 that this woman will do her husband good "all the days of her life." This just emphasizes the point that a true virtuous woman is a woman who strives to serve God and please Him all throughout her life. We shouldn't wait to think of becoming a virtuous woman until we become a wife, we should strive for a life of virtue right away! Solomon shares with us in this chapter that these are things he was taught by his mother. So this is the description of womanhood that she wished to imprint on his young mind as he searched for a wife to help him. Doesn't it make sense then, that in order to find the right kind of Christian man, we should first BE the kind of virtuous woman that would attract his attention? Don't wait to be the kind of woman you should be until you have a man to please; be a virtuous woman NOW for the glory of God. He knows what we need and He will ensure that everything else will fall into place as it should!

Matthew 6:33
"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteouness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

The Gift of Singleness

Okay, we have already taken a look at some of the negative attitudes that we can have towards being single and we recognize that we should adjust our attitudes and use this time of singleness to glorify God. One way to start down that path is to accept that being single is a gift and believe it or not, there are actually some ADVANTAGES to being single! Let's start by looking at 1 Corinthians 7:34-35:

"There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; that that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction."

You see, we are actually very blessed to have this period in life in which we aren't tied down in so many ways. We aren't torn in several directions by our obligations to our husbands, our kids, etc, etc. When we are young and single adults, for a brief time we live only for God. Talk about an opportunity to maximize your service!

Psalm 62:5
"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him."

When we have time alone, we learn that God is the one who is always there and truly the one rock in our life that we can always depend on. We are never promised tomorrow and the people we love could be gone at any moment, but God is forever. When you are single, you have the freedom and time to spend alone with God and grow closer to him through prayer and study. I would encourage all of you young ladies out there to think of this time of singleness as a wonderful chance to grow in your closeness to God and to focus on Him instead of on pleasing men. Yes, there will be times of loneliness and yes, your heart will still long for that close relationship with a man. But it will be worth it to have the best kind of love there is; the love between our Creator and us. Cherish the time that you have rather than focusing on the things that you do not have! When we do this, we will open our lives up to joy and fruitfulness for God.

Isaiah 12:2-3
"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation. Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation."

2 Peter 1:5-9
"And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; and to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

There is plenty of work out there for us to do, whatever stage of life we are in, and if we apply ourselves to serving God, then we will find that our life is one of abundance and grace.

Managing Our Emotions, Part 3 - Harboring Bitterness and Anger

We've all been burned before. You know what it's like...that feeling that starts in your stomach and slowly works its way to your beet-red face. That feeling that if you don't say or do something about it, your head will DEFINITELY explode from all the steam build-up. Maybe it was your best friend that wronged you. Maybe it was a "significant other". Or maybe you felt like your mom or dad were unfair about an issue. This is one area of our emotions that is very hard to control, but one that can be prevented very early...and yes, it's very possible!

Self-Centered Statement:

"I'm so mad at this person. I'll never be able to forgive him/her."

This person wronged me! They didn't even consider my feelings! They've gone too far...the damage can never be undone! I have a right to defend myself to others so they know what really happened! I just can't forgive them! ...Right? Let's shine some truth on these out-of-control angry statements...

"Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise." - Luke 6:28, 31

"Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil." - Eph. 4:26-27

"And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." - Eph. 4:32

"For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." - Matt. 6:14-15

Get the picture yet? Forgiveness is the key. I know it's hard...TRUST me, I KNOW IT'S HARD! Ask yourself this question: "Who am I to decide who receives forgiveness for their wrongs? Did Jesus not die for EVERYONE...even this person who hurt me?" It's absolutely necessary that you forgive whoever wronged you...not only for them, but for yourself.

God-Centered Statement:

"I need to live like Christ and forgive others...just like Christ forgave me."

Now let's shine some more light on another out-of-control statement...

Self-Centered Statement:

"I deserve to be angry. I have a right to express my feelings!"

It's a fact of life that you will experience anger. It's what you DO with that anger that really defines what kind of person you are...or more importantly, what kind of Christian you are. Let's look at the wisdom of Solomon:

"He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction." - Prov. 13:3

When you are in a situation where you find yourself getting angry, it's best not to say anything! Anything that you say while you're angry will come directly from that emotion and will destroy and cut down the person for whom it was intended. Yeah, if you're angry you may be thinking, "Well, isn't that the whole point?!?!" You need to cool down and remember that "a soft answer turneth away wrath: but grevious words stir up anger" (Prov. 15:1). Your words have the power to make or break a situation, as well as make or break a relationship. Look at these other verses...

"...the words of the pure are pleasant words." - Prov. 15:26

"The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things." - Prov. 15:28

"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city." - Prov. 16:32

We cannot be the image of Christ if we are backbiting, yelling, and arguing. Christ never "expressed his feelings" or harbored any kind of resentment, bitterness, or anger towards those that put Him on the cross. And if anyone had a "right" to stand up for himself, it was definitely Him! We need to follow His example and portray His character in our lives at all times, no matter the circumstance.

God-Centered Statement:

"I need to control my anger and my words at all times. Christ payed far too great of a price for me to harbor any bitterness or anger towards anyone."

Let Christ heal the hurt and choose the way of forgiveness. Your emotions will not change right away, but over time (with prayer and study of the Word) God will heal your heart and free you from this bondage!

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." - Gal. 6:22-23, 25

In Christian Love,

True Beauty, Part 3 - hidden beauty of the heart.

As stated before, the beauty we should be creating in ourselves is Godly beauty.. the TRUE beauty. We see an example of God's definition of beauty here:

..whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the HIDDEN MAN OF THE HEART, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
{1 Peter 3: 3-4}

Our time should be spent pursuing this beauty of the hidden man ..or woman in our case ..of the heart. True beauty is shown through the love of God (not of ourselves) and we can serve Him! This should be the beauty that we choose to cultivate in our hearts. Our inner beauty will never fade.. it will live on through the lives of those we have touched. It remains in us as we get older and our physical appearance fades. One of my favorite examples of a women with Godly beauty is the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. If you ever have time, you should definitely read about this beauty! It starts in verse 10 and continues to the end of the chapter. Some characteristics of a woman of great inward beauty:

Verse 11.. trustworthy
Verse 12.. supportive
Verse 13-14.. hard working
Verse 15.. caring
Verse 16-19.. wise
Verse 20.. compassionate
Verse 21.. prepared
Verse 22.. attractive
Verse 23-24.. causes good reputation
Verse 25.. optimistic
Verse 26.. speaks pleasant words
Verse 30-31..dedicated

Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised! {Proverbs 31:30}

True Beauty, Part 2 - being content with your looks.

All this hype throughout the media is pretty much a love of self.. these “perfect” and “beautiful” women are very much into themselves. Some might pour everything they have into their outward appearance. We can become so obsessed with how we look that we forget what is truly important. Beauty can become a form of idolatry if we let it. That is, if we focus more on our appearance than things above. Look at Colossians 3:1-2 and Romans 12:2...

If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.

Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God.

Our time should be spent on developing a closer relationship with our Father and doing HIS will! Don't go along with the rest of the world in the craze of happiness based on outward beauty. Clothes, shoes, jewelry, make-up, are all things of the earth. Our thoughts should not be consumed with which outfit to wear to the mall, which make-up blends the best, or how much weight we need to loose. Of course, I'm not saying it's evil to think about your appearance or to wear make-up, and I'm not telling you to dress like a slob.. but just be cautious to not let it consume your thoughts! I'm always happy to find a cute pair of jeans or some adorable shoes! (I'm especially happy when they're on sale)

True Beauty, Part 1 - you ARE beautiful!!

There is something seriously wrong with our culture today.. the mindset of the world is completely opposite of what it should be. I am constantly reminded that my hair color is not perfect, my tummy is too fat, my arms are too flabby, blah blah blah. I'm fairly sure that you see those constant reminders, too. Whether it be the billboards you see while driving around, the magazines that you buy, what you see on TV, the movies that you watch, or what you come across on the internet. There is so much pressure on us girls/ladies/young women (whatever you call yourself) to look perfect & radiant & beautiful on the outside just to be accepted, this is even goes on with our peers & our friends.. not just the world! But, the truth is, you are already a beautiful child of God (no matter what the world and your friends have to say about you)! Check this out..

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvellous are they works; and THAT my soul knoweth right well. {Psalm 139:14}

We are WONDERFULLY made! We should be praising God for his creation and thanking him for blessing us.. not wishing we looked differently or feeling sorry for ourselves because we don't look like our friends!! We need to be pleased with how GOD wanted us to look! If He wanted us to look differently... we would look differently. It's that simple. God is the ultimate artist.. he is our maker and designed us exactly how he wanted! If we have flaws.. its His mark on us. That makes us unique! (you know.. we're a peculiar people anyway!)

Another reminder.. The King greatly desires your beauty! {Psalm 45:11}