The Gift of Singleness

Okay, we have already taken a look at some of the negative attitudes that we can have towards being single and we recognize that we should adjust our attitudes and use this time of singleness to glorify God. One way to start down that path is to accept that being single is a gift and believe it or not, there are actually some ADVANTAGES to being single! Let's start by looking at 1 Corinthians 7:34-35:

"There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; that that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction."

You see, we are actually very blessed to have this period in life in which we aren't tied down in so many ways. We aren't torn in several directions by our obligations to our husbands, our kids, etc, etc. When we are young and single adults, for a brief time we live only for God. Talk about an opportunity to maximize your service!

Psalm 62:5
"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him."

When we have time alone, we learn that God is the one who is always there and truly the one rock in our life that we can always depend on. We are never promised tomorrow and the people we love could be gone at any moment, but God is forever. When you are single, you have the freedom and time to spend alone with God and grow closer to him through prayer and study. I would encourage all of you young ladies out there to think of this time of singleness as a wonderful chance to grow in your closeness to God and to focus on Him instead of on pleasing men. Yes, there will be times of loneliness and yes, your heart will still long for that close relationship with a man. But it will be worth it to have the best kind of love there is; the love between our Creator and us. Cherish the time that you have rather than focusing on the things that you do not have! When we do this, we will open our lives up to joy and fruitfulness for God.

Isaiah 12:2-3
"Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid: for the Lord Jehovah is my strength and my song; he also is become my salvation. Therefore with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation."

2 Peter 1:5-9
"And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; and to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

There is plenty of work out there for us to do, whatever stage of life we are in, and if we apply ourselves to serving God, then we will find that our life is one of abundance and grace.

How Can I Be Content In a Situation That I Didn't Choose?? (Part 3)

I can focus on the work that God has called me to do and busy myself in becoming a virtuous woman today, married or not. One thing that several of us young women discussed in a study at the camp meeting this year was the verse in Proverbs 31 that states, "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her...she will do him good and not evil ALL the days of her life." Several of us had read the book "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy, in which they point out the word "ALL" in that verse. A truly virtuous woman doesn't wait to be virtuous until after she's married...she does good ALL of her life. She doesn't live in such a way that someday her husband will be ashamed to hear of her "wild teenage years". Even more important to us is that we live such a life that Jesus will not be ashamed of. When we use our gifts the way God wants, His name is glorified through this.

1 Peter 4:10,11
"As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen."

Another good verse that comes to mind is Colossians 3:17:
"And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him."

There is plenty of work out there to be done that will keep us busy. If we focus on doing this work for the Lord and glorifying Him by our life, this will cause us to think less and less about the things in our lives we are dissatisfied with. We won't have time to worry about chasing boys or feeling sorry for ourselves because we're lonely. We will be too busy thinking of more important things!

Managing Our Emotions, Part 2 - Wallowing In Self-pity

No matter what age you are as a single young woman, there's always the pressure that you NEED to have a guy. It's everywhere. No matter if you're still in school or out in the workplace, it's like there's a big SINGLE sign written all over you if you're not known to be "with" a guy. I've felt this way...have you?

I really think this is a huge issue with some of our young girls in the church, so we're just going to dive right in and face self-pity head-on. The emotion of self-pity stems from feeling sorry for yourself and the state that you may be in at a certain time in your life...like being single, for instance. Let's go ahead and look at some of the self-centered statements that we sometimes make when feeling this self-pity in our lives and counteract them with God-centered ones!

Self-Centered Statement:

"I'm ugly and worthless. I hate the way I look."

Okay, first of all, there's always going to be something that we don't like about our appearance. Ever since we were little girls, the world has tried to instill in us a desire to be "skinny", to have the most beautiful hair, to have the perfect, pimple-free face, to wear the most stylish clothes, and the list could go on forever. Society has taught us to NEVER be satisfied with our natural appearance. Let's counteract this statement with the words of David.

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfull made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." - Ps. 139:14

Believe it or not, but God created you and me a MASTERPIECE! David also states in the verse right after this one that he was "curiously wrought." This phrase means (according to Strong's Concordance) embroidered or made with needlework, which tells us that God, with great skill and precision, made us just the way He wanted us to be.

"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised." - Prov. 31:30

God-Centered Statement:
"I am God's creation and I am beautiful in His sight."

Okay, next one...

Self-Centered Statement:

"I feel like life is passing me by. When is it my turn to find the right guy to be with?"

This one's a biggy. A lot of young women just kind of "sit on their hands" when it comes to this. They think that life begins when they find the "love of their life". Beloved sisters in Christ, believe me when I tell you that you are setting yourself up for regrets. You will look back on this time of singleness when you are older (whether or not you are married) and say, "Wow, I wish I would have done more for Christ." Stop obsessing over guys!!! Let the man in your life, Jesus Christ, heal those feelings of loneliness and discontent with His Word and by prayer.

"...The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit..." - 1 Cor. 7:34

This is a special time in your life! Go out and do things for God for His glory. Trust me, those feelings of self-pity will go right out the window when you're not focusing on yourself!

God-Centered Statement:

"I need to live life for today and in light of eternity by doing work for Christ."

In Christian Love,

How Can I Be Content In a Situation That I Didn't Choose?? (Part 2)

I can trust that God's way is perfect, even if it's not the way I would have chosen for myself.

Let's take a quick look at the example of Mary, a woman "highly favoured" with the Lord. Now can you imagine being a young woman of this time, engaged to be married soon, and to learn the news that you are pregnant? Not only this, but the child is the Son of God! You have been given this huge responsibility (that you didn't even ask for), along with the ridicule and gossip that you would have to face as a woman pregnant out of wedlock. How would you respond to this message from the angel?

Luke 1:38
"And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word."

Everytime I read that verse, it sends chills down my arms! Even in circumstances that would look highly troublesome and undesirable to the worldly eye and that would turn her world completely upside down from any plans she had made on her own, Mary was wise enough to see that God's way was good even if she did not understand the whole picture right away. We, too, are the handmaids of the Lord. We should share in that attitude of submission to His will!

Isaiah 55:8-11
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain cometh down, and the snow falleth from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: so shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it."

I am awed and amazed at the way God can see the big picture of the past, present and future and He is putting it all together with His perfect wisdom and understanding. Sometimes it feels like things are going all wrong, but when I read these words in Isaiah, it is a sweet reminder that God is so much smarter than me and even though I don't understand what is going on, He does. What a relief...

How Can I Be Content In a Situation that I Didn't Choose?? (Part 1)

Rather than looking at singleness as a curse to be ashamed of, I can accept it as a wonderful gift from our all-knowing God!

1 Corinthians 7:7-8
"For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one afer this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I."

The word gift here is the Greek word, "charisma", and is defined in Strong's concordance as "a (divine) gratuity, that is, deliverance (from danger or passion); (specifically) a (spiritual) endowment, that is (subjectively) religious qualification, or (objectively) miraculous faculty." Interestingly, it is the SAME Greek word used in other familiar verses concerning gifts of the Spirit given to us by God (i.e. 1 Tim 4:14 & 1 Peter 4:10). In these passages, we are instructed to "neglect not the gift that is in thee" and to "minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God".

We are taught throughout the New Testament that we all have separate gifts with which to glorify God and build up the church. Our marital status is in itself a gift, differing by what God's will for us is. If we are married, that is our gift, and if we are single, that is also our gift. Either way, we are not to neglect the gift given to us, but to use it to further the cause of Christ. Remember the parable of the talents in Matthew 25? God gives each of us our gifts for a reason, and he expects us to use them!

Single and Content: Introduction

So often in life as a single woman, I find myself looking in the mirror and wondering, "Where did I go wrong?". As little girls, marriage and motherhood is so deeply ingrained into our visions of adulthood that we often fail to imagine any adulthood at all without these things. Then, when we reach the age of physical maturity and have still not acheived these expected rites of passage, we begin to feel doubt and worry. Doubt that we are "good enough" to deserve a husband; worry that we are unloveable or ugly.

In turning to the Word of God, we can quickly see that doubt and worry have no place in our lives as a Christian woman. In Philippians 4:11-13, Paul encourages the Philippians:

"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do ALL THINGS through CHRIST which strengtheneth me."

Content: (Strong's Concordance # 842) "autarkes" = "self-complacent; content".
(Vine's Expository Dictionary) = "sufficient in oneself, self-sufficient, adequate, needing no assistance; hence, content"

If we take a look at the context here, we can note that Paul is referring to a situation where he was in need of assistance in the work he was doing and had not always received the help that perhaps he should have. Nevertheless, he was CONTENT in whatever state God had placed him in. We know from reading in other scriptures that some of those "states" included prison, shipwreck, stoning and false accusations from fellow Christians. And to think that I find myself complaining because I don't have a husband and this makes me feel insecure!! Paul had learned the true definition of contentment, as we see above, which is being "self-complacent" and "needing no assistance". He placed his trust in God and didn't need the affirmation of others in order to be fulfilled.

Notice how Paul says "I have LEARNED...to be content". Contentment is not something that comes easily to any of us. We all have our natural tendencies to want more, to feel like the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. But by looking at God to guide our emotions and motives, we can LEARN to be content in whatever life situation He chooses to place us in. Through this study series, we will be looking at ways to find contentment in life circumstances (even when they aren't the ones we would've chosen for ourselves), as well as reminding ourselves of the benefits found in living a life of contentment. I truly believe that it is possible to be both single and content. We don't need to wait on Prince Charming to come along and make all of our dreams come true; we already have access to the King of Kings, and he is the only one who can truly bring contentment to our hearts!!